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Saturday, April 23, 2005

Well, the other shoe dropped...

My most horrible of horrible fears have come true, since my last post on 4/5, I have had 2 US and a D & C. The first US showed the bleed, something not to worry about, I was told. Great heartbeat and measuring as scheduled. Second US on 4/13, had the embryo measuring one week behind, with fluid in the sack, and barely a heartbeat. HUH what, nothing to worry about????? I knew from the get go something just wasn't right. God has a plan, and this was just not part of it. I understand this. I was completely nervous about my D & C on 4/19 and it went "perfectly" as perfect as removing a failed pregnancy can go. As I finally sit and put "pen to paper" so to speak, my eyes well with tears, something that has only occurred once, immediately following the DX of "loss of pregnancy" being relayed to my husband. I am sad, a type of sadness I have neevr felt before, and I don't like it one bit. This pregnancy was just not meant to be, I know God will bless me when it's my time. But right now the next 2 months (I have to wait 2 periods before going back to try IUI again) seems like a lifetime. I have been back to my RE after spiking a fever and them not being able to find a cause, matter of fact that reminds me, time to take the antibiotics... I am just not happy, not myself and not up to blogging right now. I don't even feel like a good Mommy or wife right now, I feel like DH and DD are trying their very best to piss me off, in every way, DD has been asking for an OREO since 8 am this morning and DH has conviently disappered with errands. My time will come, I just have to believe this......or I will certifiablt crazy instead of just plain crazy.

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